Is my essay good? Does it need any changes???

Discussion in 'IELTS Forum' started by Cobet, Nov 2, 2011.

  1. Cobet

    Cobet Guest

    Title: Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?
    Answer:
    As we look the Earth we can only see land and a vast majority of Seas. The land is divided into regions, which some are rich in materials and some are not. In here we face a crucial problem that is raises far from domestic borders and inflicts danger to near countries. There is a constitution founded by the title “United Nations†that one part is involving to those kinds of problems. To be more specific, its gist is for the affairs between wealthy and poor countries.
    Poor nations, in order to stand in their feet, must have a plan, illustrated by their government to structure the base line of their foundations. However, this kind of actions must start by internal sources (if it’s possible!). Government ought to concern bringing industry inside the country and provide basic earning for its people and an income for its interests. Secondly, managements of its natural sources that indicate a starting point of internal and external merchandise. I strongly believe that this is the main key point for the development. The above solutions are listed as high priority plans and by having those; the native people won’t need alien help for their basic human rights (such as sanitation, medical system, food and schools for education).
    In the other hand if its own government instruments can’t handle the crisis, I think wealthy countries ought to help the situation by giving some basic elements to the poor people. By this I don’t mean provide them food, exam them or teach them, but through industry construction that will gain the incomes for themselves and by this providing basic money for the well –being of the country that they invest.
    In overall, I think that if a country is near starvation its government ought to take decision counting on richer regions involving its own interests, not their dept ones. First priority it’s their people and the thought of change, targeting a healthy community (despite the fact that to have a healthy community, the government in charge must be healthy too).

    I'll be glad if anyone say anything about my essay!!! I'm having my exam on Saturday and i'm shaking in fear!!!! Thanks

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